Count D, my late cheeseball taste tester, bestowed upon me a $40 spa gift card that he found while cleaning his bedroom. (Yes, I have an odd life.) Now, I’m not a spa type; Goth aesthetics and spa esthetics don’t exactly mesh. In all my years, I’ve never gotten my nails done – unless you count a few neon paintjobs from LA’s Beauty Bar and NYC’s now-defunct Spirit. In fact, I’d almost rather have my fingernails ripped off than mince around with a dainty French manicure.
But massages and facials were out of the question, since I hate when random people touch me. (Yes, I’m an odd person.) So I thought - why not use this opportunity to get some crazy nail art, like the Vampire of Rose photos I posted?
I left an enthusiastic voice message. The woman who returned my call chose her words carefully: “I’m sorry, but I must regretfully inform you that after having a conference with our resident artist, we’ve decided that our team will not be offering services in the direction of nail art…” (Seriously, she spoke as if Basil Farrow had been run over by a car.) Then her voice lifted: “How about a French manicure?” I held back my nausea and croaked out a “yes”.
But it was going to be on my terms. On the day of the appointment, I handed my baffled esthetician the above drawing. “But… we don’t have black nail polish, only shades of pink!” “Not to worry,” I said and pulled out three bottles from my coffin purse.
Following my instructions, she alternated red and black, with white tips and moons. I’m quite pleased with my reverse French manicure. They complement my blackened teeth (it’s MAC Fluidline eye liner), leather choker (made from an old guitar strap), mourning veil, and corset… just a typical day at the office.
I can’t claim to be Christopher Columbus on this one. Have you ever come up with a seemingly original idea, only to Google it and discover that a dozen people have done it already? At least I’m in good company: Christian Dior, Tracy Reese, and Japanese yamambas (left, center, right).
Twas a nice experience – but $60 for a reverse French manicure? Methinks I’ll be sticking to my usual self-inflicted, badly-peeling black polish.
