Raise your axe if you're a fan of American Psycho. Count D and I can't get enough of Patrick Bateman, the 1980s Wall Street uber-yuppie who gets his kicks from cocaine, random murders, and pontifications on Huey Lewis and the News. Here's my kindergarten sweetheart turned "sinfully high-calorie man-candy" (his words, not mine) next to his pop art portrait of Bale as Bateman. Badass, right?
His painting depicts the infamous business card scene. (Watch it with me above.) Bateman whips his out: "New card. Picked them up from the printers yesterday. That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail." His smugness collapses when his Pierce & Pierce co-workers take out their own. Eggshell with Romalian type. Raised lettering, pale nimbus white. And his arch-rival Paul Allen's? "Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark…"
The time came for me to tackle this most serious aesthetic matter: designing and ordering business cards. I analysed flowcharts; I made comparison tables; hundreds of non-billable hours later, we had a winner: PremiumCards.net. The company offers short print runs and a mouthwatering array of finishes, shapes, and sizes. And the cards are printed on - are you ready for this - 16 point stock. (Tasteful thickness is key, my friends; a flimsy card is a flimsy handshake. Stay away from cheap online printers that use 10-12 pt stock.) I ordered a thousand color cards for $49, including shipping. What a deal, not to mention fast delivery and exceptional customer service from James.
And the results would make Bateman sweat. Oh mein gott! The colors are crisp - not a single print streak to be found - and the thickness feels so good between your fingertips. I went with the smooth matte finish and the regular corners (I felt the rounded ones were too Luis Carruthers). The back is blank, but you can put a full-color print there for no extra charge.
I designed my business cards to look like little drawings rather than corporate handouts. The site logo and colors create instant recognition, and the contact info is easy to read. (I move around so much that it's useless to print my phone number.) Basil Farrow gives his stamp of approval with his big sideways-feet.
Phew, that's enough hotness for today! You can get your hands on these cards and more at PremiumCards.net Read Bret Easton Ellis' novel and watch Mary Harron's film if you haven't already. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to return some videotapes.
